A Pile of Fat

This was me. 263 pounds of me. I loved food. I still do. But there was and still is so much more to me than just a number on a scale. I am funny. I am a laugh riot. I am a great mom. I work hard everyday to take care of my family. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend. But in this picture at my friends wedding shower all I felt like was a big pile of fat. I have been over weight since I was 17 years old. If you have been fat for a long time you know the drill. So many diets and "fresh starts" and "new plans". Some of it actually worked. For a while. Until it didn't. Or I gave up. And when that happened I felt such self loathing the only thing that would sooth me was food. Please don't misunderstand me. I don't live some miserable life devoid of happiness and blessings. Some times I would even forget that I was so fat. Until I saw my picture or caught my reflection from the corner of my eye. Then it would hit me like a ton of bricks. But most of the time I enjoy my life and my kids and my work. But in the spring of 2013 things were not good for me. My type 2 diabetes was out of control. My sleep apnea was kicking my behind. Acid reflux was keeping me up nights. My body ached. My feet and back and knees hurt. And just to lay it all out there I was peeing my self all the time. Diabetes was dumping sugar in my urine and I never could sleep deep enough for my urine to concentrate. The result? Bad news. TMI? Sorry. I just want to be as honest as I can. So when my mother suggested that I think about having weight loss surgery I decided to think about it. My friend (see above) had the surgery about a year and a half before with good results. So I went to the doctor. My wonderful doctor is a man of God. He held my hand and looked in my eyes and told me "you are a daughter of the King and it is time you know that" He said at the end of 6 months I may or may not want to have the surgery. The goal is health. That is the most important thing. So I did it. It has been five months and I have lost 62 pounds. I don't take my diabetes meds anymore. I don't need my sleep apnea machine. I no longer have acid reflux. I RUN on my treadmill every day. I don't pee myself anymore.  I sleep like a baby. I feel great. And I am only half way to my goal of losing 120 pounds. I want to keep a record of life after surgery. I should have started sooner. But you know. Life happens fast and before I know it time has slipped away. So here I go.